Erap Soliciting Campaign Funds
Erap, Joe De V and Fred Lim are soliciting campaign funds from the Sultan of Brunei. The Sultan has a very intelligent horse, who understands English but is lame. Sultan says he will donate a million dollars to the candidate who can make the horse laugh, cry and run.
Joe says, "Me first." (as he is accustomed to do). He puts his face in front of the horse, and starts wiggling his huge ears. The horse enjoys the breeze, but does not laugh. Joe takes out money and waives it in front of the horse while making sad, crying sounds (nangaasar baga). The horse ignores the money, and refuses to cry.
Joe then slaps the horse's behind, and starts shouting "Heyaah". The horse ignores him and refuses to run. (The fact that the horse speaks English was totally lost on Joe, who is not very bright).
Lim comes up next. He looks at the horse and says, "Kapag 'di ka tumawa, papatayin kita"("If you don't laugh, I'll kill you!"). Horse didn't laugh. He walks over to the other side and says, "Kapag 'di ka umiyak, papa-salvage kita."("If you don't cry, I'll have you salvaged. - Locally, "salvage" is similar to "rub-out".) Horse didn't cry. Finally, he stands beside the horse and says, "Kung hindi ka tumakbo, pipinturahan ko yung bahay mo ng "AKO'Y PILAY". ("If you don't run, I paint "I'm lame' on your house.") Horse didn't run.
Erap comes to the front. He whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse bucks and laughs so loudly, the Sultan thought it was going to die. Erap whispers again. The horse starts to weep copiously. Finally, Erap whispers again, and the horse takes off running like a shot.
Joe and Fred are amazed. "What did you say to the horse first?" asks Joe.
Erap: "I'm the Vice-President of the Philippines".
Fred: "And how did you make him cry?"
Erap: "And I'm going to be the next President of the Philippines".
"Why did he run away?" they both asked.
Erap: "I told him if he didn't start running now, I was going to bring him back to the Philippines, and make him a registered Filipino voter.
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