perhaps u've heard some of these ... nevertheless, enjoy! for the record, this was sent by a la sallista.
Limang Collegialas (Bohol Academy, St Theresa's, UP, Maryknoller, and Assumption) got together for lunch in a Filipino restaurant. Common friends, not quite compleat gentlemen from Ateneo and La Salle, joined them momentarily and cracked a truly filthy joke with strong sexual overtones. Each one of the young ladies, in turn, reacted:
Bohol Academy: Sandali... pakiulit nga ulit, at paki-explain how did it
St Theresa's: Fainted...
Assumptionista: Blushed and giggled...
UP:"Elemental examples of a morally depraved society with anecdotes devoid of any socially or culturally redeeming value..."
Maryknoller:"Lumang luma na 'yan! Have you heard this one..."
Shortly after the dirty joke but before dessert and coffee were served, a "butiki" fell from the ceiling on to the table top. Each young lady, in turn, shrieked to their surprise:
Bohol Academy: Ayyyy! Butiki!
St Theresa's: Makes the sign of the Cross. Ohhhh, Lizard!
Maryknoller: Ohhhh, S**t... Lizard!
UP: Ahhhah! Piticus Lizardus!
Assumptionista: Hmmm! Lacoste!
A Murder Mystery
(To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic)
Mystery: Who committed the murder?
The Humble Atenean
The Bright La Sallite
The Innocent Maryknoller
The Unaffected Assumptionista
The UP Graduate
The UP Graduate
No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La Sallite or an Innocent
Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.
The Things We Learn in Grade School
Chance had it that an Atenean and a La Sallite were peeing in the Men's Room at the same time. The Atenean finished first and after a quick shake, zipped up and was about to quickly exit.
The La Sallite finished peeing immediately after, approached the sink, turned on the faucet, started to wash his hands and hurriedly shot a remark at the departing Atenean - "You must be an Atenean!"
The Atenean replied, "Why yes... You're right... But aside from the obvious markings on my jacket, how did you know?"
To which, the La Sallite answered rather haughtily, "I noticed - you didn't wash your hands after peeing. You see, we, La Sallites, were taught, very early in Grade School, to always wash our hands after we pee!"
And the Atenean replied somewhat sheepishly, "Oh... Well.. You see, we Ateneans were taught, very early in Grade School, never to pee in our hands..."
Sa UP mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle mahirap ang parking.
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle.
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of the Catholic Schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass.
The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a single wise man.
Maryknoll reported that it couldn't come up with even a single virgin.
Math Contest Examiner to La Sallite: Two plus two?
La Sallite: Por.
Math Contest Examiner to Atenean: Two plus two?
How do Lasallites count to ten?
-- One, two, three, another, another, another ...
Pasikatan ng Gradweyts
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Ateneans end up getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsieur del Rosario....
Tatlong Magkaka-brakada: a La Sallite, a UPian, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.
The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
So the La Sallite decides to try it himself. But the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask?
"Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."